Not so Patiently Waiting…
I have mentioned the fact that I am waiting for baby #2 before on this blog. As we inch closer to the day we will meet our little one, the unknown gets harder. This process has been over a year in the making and will likely stretch to almost two years when all is said and done. The almost is the part that kills me. I guess I have control issues, because I can’t stand not knowing – not knowing when we might travel, not knowing if we will be welcoming a boy or girl into our family. The not knowing can paralyze you. In so many ways, I feel like I can’t move forward in my life because of the not knowing. Every time I make an appointment for several months out or think about changes at work or enroll my son in pre-school, I wonder how this looming event will affect it. Will I even be in the country for that dentist’s appointment in September? Will I be able to or want to manage a work life after #2 arrives? Will Edward adjust alright to being out of preschool for 4-8 weeks?
As scary as the unknown is, the bubbling excitement and anticipation is exhilarating. Each time a document gets notarized, a fee gets paid or I get fingerprinted, the reality sets in a little more. Half a world away in Colombia, our child might already be alive. When we began this process for the second time, I had doubts that I would be able to love another child as much as I love Edward. I worried that we were disrupting this peaceful family unit of ours in which I was so comfortable. Now, those doubts and worries are gone. I am really just…anxious.
I guess working on Edward’s big boy room really cemented the idea with me. This is really happening. I am really going to be a mom for the second time. I am really this blessed.
Thank you for being a part of this journey. This blog is an outlet I didn’t have when we adopted Edward. And it has helped more than you know to have a place to record these thoughts and feelings, and to have people to share this with.